Apologies Wrapped Around Words

Yesterday i went shopping with a great friend.
So much fun.

But do you ever say something you didnt mean? its like it just jumps out of your mouth with the intent purpose of embarrassing you. ((and the potential of very bad ramifications))
it happens all too much for me....
"this will fit you, its huge!"

I think the words themselves speak volumes. There's really no way to justify them, except that they really were meant in the best way they could be meant.....is that possible?
It was a hat, so it really wasnt like i was saying she was fat
and the more i try to make it better, the worse it sounds.
So i'll just shut up.

I just really feel aweful.

On a lighter note, did you know aweful used to mean something full of awe? My English Proff would still insist it does, but you get the drift. its funny how things change.

And its funny how they go from something so totally amazing that it takes your breathe away, to something terrible.

All i ever wanted was to be happy, but there's this ghost of past memories lingering over me...
I saw a myspace status.
So simple, right?
And yet, it really did cut me up

"cant wait to go mini golfing with Cameron, Kristina, and Gabriel"

Has he moved on?
He's supposed to, but with some ugly bitch with scraggle teeth and messed up hair.
Not with Kristina.
They were supposed to have ''done it" while we were going out.
In the bathroom.
At work.

He almost lost his job, but they studied the tapes and saw he didnt.
so i believed him.
And her.

And now they're playing put put, or mini golf or watever, and i still miss him.

I really do.
I wanna win him back.

I miss the way he would kiss me
and his touch, like little kisses all over my body
His skin so soft and rich
The skanky tat that said "PRAY"
The irony written all over him
His tiny ways of lettin me know i was beautiful.

Am i as beautiful now, as i was then?
Does beauty change for lack of the observer?




A rose by any other name...